Archive for the ‘Charles Krauthammer’ Category

Wildebeest Care is the Key to Economic Recovery!

March 6, 2009

Centered by the ever-present bronze-tinted, but opaque teleprompters (whispers among the White House Residential Staff say that before joining Michelle in bed each night, the TPs–as they call them–are arranged on either side of the Presidential bed’s headboard with a script running to the effect, “Yeah, baby! Yeah, Momma; Daddy’s got yo’ back and I cannot lie!” and “The Big O’s a gonna fix it right!”–there has been no video to confirm this, unfortunately, but keep watching to YouTube, you never know) and flanked by his Minister of Propaganda; the Secretary of the Interior, amazingly the only nominee that had paid his taxes, but expects to recoup that money through the Indian Affairs and Casinos Department; and Wildebeest Czar, Jim Folwer, the anaconda-wrestling, geriatric right-hand man, sidekick, schlub and patsy to Marlin Perkins on Wild Kingdom, President (Transparency and No Earmarks) Obama addressed the ever-so-important National Wildlife Reform Forum yesterday.

After introductions and the wait for the teleprompters to warm up, he prefaced (reading from said devices) the need for the forum with, “By a wide margin, the biggest threat to our nation’s balance sheet is the skyrocketing cost of Wildebeest care–it’s not even close.  If we want to create jobs and rebuild our economy, and get our federal budget under control, then we have to address the crushing cost of Wildebeest care this year, in this administration.” And finally, he expressed the direness of emergency, “The cost of Wildebeest care now causes a  bankruptcy in America every thirty seconds.” Gosh, who gnu?

When confronted by a reporter, that Wildebeests are not native to the United States or the Western hemisphere for that matter, and pretty much restricted to the African continent and almost exclusively to the Serengeti, and asked for the research regarding the statistics on bankruptcies caused by Gnu Care, the effervescent and bouncy, Christina Romer of the Council of Economic Czars and Rasputins (doesn’t she remind you of your old Bozo Bop Bag, the punching ballon from your childhood, or a Russian Nested Doll that you want to un-nest to see if she just disappears), she bounced and giggled, “I’m gonna [sic] to have to  check the numbers for you; I think the important thing is the idea is absolutely true.”

So, now we have another (one) expressly derived reason and cause of the Economic Crisis and the KEY to recovery–fix Wildebeest Care!

In reality, he was centered between the ever-present teleprompters, and we’re still awaiting the video evidence regarding the WH Bedroom rumors, and flanked by his minions, but Dear Leader was speaking before the Health Care Forum and indeed The Key to recovery was fixing health care.

“By a wide margin, the biggest threat to our nations balance sheet is the skyrocketing cost of health care; it’s not even close.” Followed by, “If we want to create jobs and rebuild our economy, and get our federal budget under control, then we have to address the crushing cost of health care this year in this administration.” and “The cost of health care now causes a  bankruptcy in America Every thirty seconds.”

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