As we all do, I receive a variety of political eMails, most of which we read and sometimes pass along as we agree , find poignant or funny; some we just read and do nothing with them. This one I feel worthy of posting, whether John J. Wall really exists or not. Thanks to Jerry S. for passing along to me.
To: All American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et al.
From: John J. Wall – a Conservative American
Dear Liberals, Leftists, and Socialists:
We’ve stuck together since the late 1950’s, but the latest election process and your bailout stimulus plan has made me realize that I want a divorce.
Although we’ve tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, the sad truth is that the relationship between conservatives and liberals has run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America can not and will not ever agree on what is right. Therefore, let’s just end it on friendly terms. You go your way, and I’ll go mine.
We can smile, chalk it up to irreconcilable differences, shake hands, and go our own way. But to do that, we’ll need a “Separation Agreement.” I have drawn one up. I hope you agree with it.
SEPARATION AGREEMENT PROPOSAL
I propose that our two groups – Conservatives and Liberals – equitably divide up the country by land-mass, each of us taking approximately 50% of the total square miles. I’ll concede that this is the most difficult part of the separation agreement, but I’m sure our two sides can come to terms.
After that’s done, the rest should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.
For example, we conservatives don’t like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them! They’re all yours!
You are also welcome to take the liberal judges, the ACLU, the affirmative action crowd, the NAACP, and the National Organization of Women. We don’t want any of them.
We also don’t want Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid. You can have them.
Since you hate guns and war, we’ll take the firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military, that you hate so much.
Along with Pelosi and Reid, you can also have Oprah, Michael Moore, (Oliver and Sharon) Stone, and Rosie O’Donnell. (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all of them).
We’ll take the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, McDonald’s, and Wall Street.
You can have your beloved homeboys, hippies, and illegal aliens. We’ll take the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO’s, and rednecks.
We’ll take the Bibles. You can have all the copies of “Mein Kampf.”
We’ll take Fox News. You can have NBC, CNN, MSNBC, CBS, ABC and Hollywood. You can also have National Public Television.
We get Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity. You get Al Franken and Keith Olberman.
You can make nice and kiss up with Iran and Palestine. We’ll retain the right to invade and hammer the crap out of any country that threatens us, but not YOU.
You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we’ll help provide them security.
We’ll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill.
We get the Hummers, SUV s, pickup trucks, motor homes, oversized luxury cars, power boats, Harley-Davidson’s, and private airplanes.
You can have all of the 4-cylinder and hybrid vehicles. You get the mopeds. You can also have all the kayaks and canoes.
You can give every one of your people health care, if you can find any practicing doctors. We’ll continue to believe health care is a luxury and not a right.
We’ll keep “God Bless America” and the National Anthem. You can have “Imagine,” “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing,” “KumBaYa,” and “We Are the World.”
We’ll practice trickle down economics, and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot.
And by the way . . . since it often so offends you, we’ll keep our history, our name, and our flag.
Getting a little tense???
Would you agree to this? If so please pass this email along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots. If you do not agree, just hit delete.
In the spirit of friendly parting, I’ll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
John J. Wall – a Conservative American
P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand, Jane Fonda, and Alec Baldwin. We don’t want them either.
Add your comments and wishes for this utopia.